


Memories Felt

by Redbourn



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Episode: s08e18 Threads, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-16 21:21:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 22,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29214075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redbourn/pseuds/Redbourn
Summary: Hi Sir, this wasn’t the plan. I wanted to talk to you about it before giving this to you. But I took the coward's way out. If you don't feel comfortable with this, I understand. We can pretend like it never happened. I feel that this is the only way I can show you where I am…. emotionally.
Relationships: Samantha "Sam" Carter/Jack O'Neill
Comments: 159
Kudos: 137





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone, this is my very first multi chapter fic and I'm excited to share it with you all. 
> 
> I would like to thank XWingKC for being the best beta ever! This fic would have been a disaster without her help.

Sam knew it was a bad idea to show up at his doorsteps unannounced. Granted, they've been teammates and hopefully friends for nearly seven years. Coming to his place has never been a problem before because she is always accompanied by Teal'c and Daniel whenever they drop in. This time is different. This time she is here by herself, and she is not sure if she should knock or turn around and forget this stupid idea. 

The man hadn't shown any interest in having anyone around him for the next few days or weeks he has to live so why is she here? 

He had done it again; he had put his head into that ancient knowledge repository thing. They all know how it goes. In a few days his brain will be filled with ancient knowledge that will hopefully help them find a way to defend earth from Anubis. Unless they find him help or figure out a way to take the knowledge out, it will kill him at the end.

She is a nervous wreck. Trying to have an actual conversation with him is like pulling teeth. She tried to talk to him about Sara, which was a big no-no. She asked him how he was feeling, which was even a more touchy subject at the moment. As they sat down and finally started a conversation, she still hadn't gotten to the point of her visit. 

"That would be worth it," he said to her after her rambling about finding exactly what they were looking for and the cost of it all. He held her eyes as if trying to convey a message that is most sacred. She is scared to actually get to the point of her visit when there was a sharp knock on the door, followed by a hellooo. 

She had just missed her chance and the moment is gone.

Later on, General Hammond showed up and informed them of the changes that were coming to the SGC. 

They spent more time chatting a bit and finally called it a night. Teal'c helped a tipsy Daniel into the car heading to his apartment. Sam left with a lingering and nervous glance towards Jack. 

He was relieved when his conversation with Sam was cut short. He was pretty sure if he confronted his feelings at this time, he wouldn't be able to handle it very well. He is a dead man walking, counting down his days like a clock. The Asgard have been MIA so even that option is unlikely. Even if he somehow survived and made it back, nothing would change between them. She had moved on and is with the cop now.

He halfheartedly cleaned up the living room and settled on the sofa with one last bottle of beer in his hand before turning in. He tried to focus on what he was watching on the tv, but his mind kept drifting back to that conversation that got cut short. 

Deciding he had enough for the night, he trashed his half empty beer and headed to the bathroom to get ready to sleep. With his mind still on Carter, he walked into his bedroom and turned on the light on the nightstand. He saw this oddly familiar but out of place item there with a note next to it in Carter's handwriting. 

The curious kid inside of him sent his hand straight to the item. He picked up this gray rectangular prism looking thing and was about to push the buttons when he saw another note below it. 

**_Please read the note first Sir._** was written on a small piece of paper. He chuckled to himself thinking that she knows him too well. With a big sight he picked up the paper. 

**_Hi Sir, this wasn’t the plan. I wanted to talk to you about it before giving this to you. But I took the coward's way out. If you don't feel comfortable with this, I understand. We can pretend like it never happened. I feel that this is the only way I can show you where I am…. emotionally. Press the red button in the middle and close your eyes and you will see._**

He read it again and just stood there contemplating. Does he really want to get into this? What did she mean ‘emotionally’? Does he really wanna use this thing? Alien doohickeys usually end up biting him in the ass. Speaking of, how did Carter end up with a piece of Tollan tech and actually get it off base in the first place? He remembered that the Tollans had a few of these things on their arms when they first met them. He knew they used one of these to walk through walls. But that has nothing to do with emotions. Maybe this has another function? 

He took a big breath and pressed the red button in the middle. It gave a low humming vibration but nothing else happened. He hates it when people ask him to close his eyes and clear his mind blah blah blah…. He let go of the button and put it back on the nightstand. He picked up the note again and flopped down onto his bed. 

"What are you doing, Sam?" he said to himself. Why is she doing this? And why now? It has always been up to her, and now she has put that burden on him. She is reaching out and opening the door to that damn room. Is he brave enough to let her open it and face the consequence? The timing sucks. He has already taken a step into death's territory and it's only gonna take a week or so for him to be a permanent resident there.

If this is it, if this is what she wants, how can he refuse her? He has never been able to do so. He picked up the device and pressed the button again and closed his eyes.

It's hard to describe in words what was going through his mind while holding on to the device. There were flashes of images from Sam's mind's eye, and attached to them were every emotion she felt with every scene that passed. How she felt like she had to prove herself when she first met him. How she admired his courage only from reading his report from the first mission. How she felt inadequate and ended up blurting out a comparison between their reproductive organs.

A little smile came on his face when he felt how frustrated she got when he said "I like women". He felt how her view of him gradually changed from the jackass (pun intended) CO he pretended to be, to the passionate and loyal leader he is. Then came a flash of their very first kiss. It was a foggy memory but he still saw how passionate she was when she slammed him to the locker and kissed him senseless. He felt his face getting hot and breathed out thinking of his own response to her words in that moment. He can't believe he actually said "not like this!"

He felt how she started understanding who and how he is, and how she felt like she was being accepted by him when he joked about her little tank top. He felt the deep frustration and worry she felt when they ended up in Antarctica, and how she hated herself for not being able to figure it out, and thinking she let him down. 

He saw himself being impaled to the gate room wall and felt how her heart dropped in fear of losing him. He felt how she was startled when he squeezed her hand while fighting to stay conscious and how in that moment she opened up her heart just a little. 

He felt how she was confused about what her true feelings are after Jolinar. Her thought of Martouf put a frown on his face and he desperately wanted to find a skip button. Thankfully it seemed like it wasn't too deep because what he saw and felt next were a subtle jealousy towards Dr. Carter. He sensed how Carter felt so out of place and so confused when she saw him being kissed by her double. 

He understands now that right there was when the denial began. His brave soldier was curled up crying in her bed when she finally accepted what she felt when he finally got rescued from Edora. He felt his own tears roll down his chicks with hers as her deep sorrow washed over him. 

Her complete desolation when he treated her like garbage cut through him like a knife and had him gasping for air. He desperately wanted to take back those hundred days that were followed by his undercover op. She was hurt deeply, more than he ever thought. What had he done? How much pain had he caused her? 

With that thought came a memory with a depth of emotion that took his breath away. He saw himself looking into her eyes, a force field flickering between them. He felt her desperation and utter devastation when he wouldn't leave. He saw his own feelings being reflected back to him.

He squeezed onto the device trying to hold on to his own emotions when he felt her eyes begging him to go. He felt all her regrets, and sensed the desperate words of love fighting to come out of her lips. She kept them at bay because they would give him more conviction to stay and die with her. She kept thinking _"I love you, I love you, I love you."_

This rollercoaster of emotions had him bending forward struggling to keep it all together. And just when he thought he couldn't take it anymore, the feeling of despair slowly dissipated and changed into a bittersweet one.

What Thera felt for Jonah brought a wistful smile on his face and he sensed the rush of excitement she felt when she saw him or got near him. How she shyly admitted she liked him. How her heart skipped a beat when he confessed remembering feeling feelings. She was truly on the road to falling in love with Jonah when it all came crashing down on them. Carter, the noble soldier side of her, won and forced her to call him Sir. That thought left a bitter taste in his mouth. 

He trembled with the feel of her fear of losing him again to an ancient virus, and the relief she felt when he agreed to become a temporary host. He sensed how utterly useless she felt when he was being tortured by Ba'al for weeks. This feeling of guilt and uselessness got stronger when the memory of his little vacation with Maybourne came next. The tough soldier and the ever resilient scientist was now replaced by a woman who was completely lost. Her pillow stained with tears of hopelessness and fear of never seeing him again. 

The feeling of defeat grew inside of him as he saw 'himself' talking to her. She bitterly accepted that the "one day" they both seem to hope for was nothing but a fantasy. Feeling defeated, withdrawn, and drowsy she decides to make herself move on. Knowing the depth of her feelings for him now, he wanted to shout out to her and tell her to not give up on them but he knew he was a bystander watching as her feelings for him diminish.

He was filled with dread at seeing himself laying on the ground, a staff blast sizzling though his skin. Her panicked internal voice echoes in his mind over and over again _"please don't die, please don't die, please don't die..."_ Her relief when they finally stabilized him gave him hope that she still felt something for him. Her bone deep exhaustion winning over her standing vigil by his bedside. How she couldn't breathe right until she seeked him out in his quarters. He felt it all at once and most of all, the complete and absolute love she felt for him as she hugged him back as fiercely as he did. Her breakdown as she held on to him when she mourned Janet was something he will never forget.

It is as if the film had finished rolling and now he was left with his own thoughts and feelings. He knew he should open his eyes and process what he just experienced but he was a coward when it came to dealing with feelings. He let go of the device and stretched out onto the bed with his eyes firmly closed. Years and years of emotions fired at him in lightning speed left his already scrambling head numb. His mind and body exhausted from the toll of the past few days, it slowly started to shut down for the night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter of Sam's POV of the day. 
> 
> Enjoy 🙂

Sam drove home deep in thought of what had taken place in the Colonels place. "What have I done?" She said to herself recalling the event of the night.

_As the team was chatting away, she was lost in her own mind. She was thinking of the moment she just lost. She desperately wanted him to understand why. Why she was there, why she didn't think that all this wasn’t worth it if she was going to lose him. She needed him to know why she had to try to move on. She wanted him to know that he was still in her heart and that she still loves him._

_She looked up when she heard her name was being called and saw the Colonel looking at her as if waiting for an answer._

_"Eh, sorry, what sir?" said sam._

_"I asked if you want another one of those." he said pointing to her bottle she has been nursing since she got there._

_"I was about to grab one more," he explained when she didn't respond._

_"Oh thanks, I'll grab one after I use the bathroom." said Sam with a little smile that didn't really reach her eyes._

_While he was retrieving the drinks from the kitchen, Sam made a decision right there and then that no matter how the night goes, he will know what her feelings are. She had come prepared._

Her intention was to talk at first. To be honest with him about the strength of her feelings for him. She knew she was as bad as him when it comes to expressing her feelings. That's when a gift from a friend long gone became a blessing. She sat down the day before and recorded her feelings to show him exactly what he means to her. She went through each memory one by one reliving those moments and feelings. The emotions might not be as raw as they were in those moments, but it still took all of her energy to finish the recording. 

She knew Pete couldn't come to town that week, so she was able to break down as she painfully remembered each gut wrenching feelings she had in her mind. The night she made the recording, Sam was stripped raw of all her emotions and passed out feeling empty and numb. 

_As the Colonel came back with his beer, she excused herself to use the bathroom. While everyone is immersed in the story Teal'c was telling of how young Jaffa courted, Sam sneaked out and headed to his home office/guest room and grabbed a piece of paper and pen. She quickly wrote down what she needed, and headed to his bedroom. She stood there debating with herself if she should open that door they had sealed a long time ago._

_The laughter coming out of the living room jolted her out of her own mind, and she set the item and the notes on the nightstand, and quietly left the room. When she headed back to her seat with another beer and a fruit punch for Teal'c, she saw Daniel was already a bit tipsy, speaking fast and slurry. She smiled as she sat down and tried to join in the conversation but her mind kept going back to what she left in his bedroom._

_She knew it was not fair to dump this on him like this. Especially now with all the stuff he is going through._

_"Being selfish again, Sam," she thought to herself._

_Her selfishness was what has gotten them to where they are right now. Selfish to put her career before their hearts. Selfish to want him to stay single. Selfish to not let him go. Then she went and made it worse. She started dating and showed him her happiness after the first night she spent with Pete. She didn't have to flaunt it in front of him and taunt him with her satisfaction. And now once again being selfish by not considering his state of mind and dropping this on him._

__

__

_She gathered her thoughts and tried to follow the conversation that was flowing._

_It sounded like Teal'c had finished his cultural lesson of the day and the Colonel had taken over talking about the Simpsons. She smiles just watching her friends and marvel at how different they all are from each other. She wouldn't change them for the world. The Colonel says "no more beer for you," to Daniel when he almost spilled his beer trying to balance an orange on the top while excitingly proving Teal'c's depth._

_"I'm sorry sir, but I have to agree. I don't see the connection," she said, trying to hold back her laughter._

_He casually mentions his upcoming death as a joke, and she knew she made the right decision to let him know her truth._

_The General had dropped in and what he had told them completely changed the mood. Once he left they were just sitting absorbed in their own thoughts of what is to come and what it means for the team and the whole SGC. As they said their goodbyes Sam kept looking back to the house and back at Jack praying he wouldn't take the option of ignoring everything._

After she got home, she decided to take a much needed bath. As the water filled out the tub, she kept thinking back to the night. She was sure of her decision a few hours ago and now she wants the ground to swallow her whole. What had she done? She had blown open the door that was sealed and ran away. All she has now is this emptiness inside of her that won't go away until she talks to him. All she can do now is wait. She got in the bubble bath and tried to relax and keep her mind off of the Colonel. 

She must have dozed off in the bath next thing she knew she was waking up to the ringing of her landline in the living room. She quickly got out of the bath and put on her bathrobe and rushed to the phone. She suddenly stopped, panicked thinking it might be the Colonel. What would she say to him? Is he calling to talk? Is he going to let her down easily? The ringing stopped and she waited for the voice message. 

"Hey babe, I'm sorry I couldn't make it this weekend. I just wanted to hear your voice. Give me a call when you get this okay…"

It was like a slap to her face. Pete hasn't crossed her mind the whole day. What kind of girlfriend was she? He was a sweet guy. He treated her like a woman who deserves to be loved and adored. She is not a soldier or a scientist to him. He didn't expect her to be tough in front of him or expected her to do some scientific miracles to once again save the planet. She was simply a woman getting to know a guy and having a good time. She felt comfortable with him just being Sam. 

The voice message continued "...oh and I just had this awesome idea for a getaway. Maybe you can get a week off and we can go to this little cabin my cousin owns a few hours drive from here. Just call me and we will figure it out. Okay bye. Call me." 

She felt anger and frustration towards Pete for not understanding that her job doesn't allow her to just get up and take leave. She had explained to him that she can't go in details of what goes on out there even with the nondisclosure agreement he signed. She hoped that since he is a cop, he would be understanding when it comes to keeping work from home. 

She felt a pang of guilt when she realized that she was disappointed that it wasn't the Colonel. But then she thought of the conversation they will soon have and felt relieved that it wasn't him that called. She knows he won't leave her hanging. He wouldn't pretend that she just didn't bare her heart and soul into that recording. Would he?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The parts in italics are thoughts in this chapter. 
> 
> And Please wish my lovely beta XWingKC a happy birthday!!!
> 
> Enjoy.

Jack woke up disoriented and exhausted. He found himself curled up on his side still wearing his day clothes and the light of the nightstand still on. As the events of the previous day rushed to his mind he slowly got up and buried his head in his hands. He couldn't believe he fell asleep without talking to Carter. 

He looked up to check the time. He wondered if she would take his call at this hour. It's too late to go to her and too early to start the day. His mind started racing thinking of what he would say to her. Why did she even give him the device? 

She had obviously moved on and has gotten together with Pete. The question was, all those feelings that she shared with him, were they still there or are they just memories? Was this her way of giving him some kind of closure before he died? Or is this her, finally giving into those feelings, no matter the consequence? He couldn't help it when hope started to grow inside of him. Maybe she still has those feelings buried deep inside. Maybe this is finally the time they will be honest with each other. 

With the ancient knowledge swirling in his mind, he couldn't focus on one thought. He decided to go out for a drive to ease his mind. Speed has a way of calming him. He drove aimlessly and ended up in her neighborhood and smiled remembering what she said the previous day. 

_"It's funny really, I was out driving, you know ... in my car, and I um, (nervous laugh) I drove here. (Chuckle) Yeah …"_

He slowed down as he passed her house and longingly looked out the window wishing he could just knock on her door. He thought of how he would grab her by the waist and kiss her senseless right there and then. He would have shown her exactly what she means to him, the Air Force and the regulations be damned! That is if she still has those feelings for him. Daydreaming was all he had for now so he turned around and drove back home. He was restless the rest of the night, anticipation keeping him awake.

Morning came around and he still hasn't figured out what he would say to her. It was only 8:00 and he was getting angsty. _"She will be up by now,"_ he thought to himself and grabbed his keys and left to finally talk to her.

He parked across the street and approached the house. His hands clenching and his heart pounding, he knocked at the door. It felt like he was standing there for hours when the door finally swung open.

"Hey… Pete." Jack said as his heart sank deep into the abyss of darkness. 

"Colonel O'Neill? Hi… uh… Sam's in the shower, do you wanna come in?" Pete asked, confused at the appearance of his girlfriend's boss. 

"Oh, no it's fine. I just had a few things to discuss with Carter. It can wait till tomorrow," Jack said, already halfway to his car. In all the scenarios that went through his mind, never once did he imagine Pete being there.

Pete walked back to the house puzzled as Sam got out of the bathroom.

"Hey, Colonel O'Neill was just here." 

_"No no no no this can't be happening… this is not happening,"_ was all Sam could think, blood draining from her face.

"He said he had work stuff to talk to you about. But then he said it could wait, and ran off to his car." 

_"Why? Why did he have to come at this time?"_ thought Sam as Pete kept talking.

"... too early. Doesn't he understand boundaries? I know you guys save the world and all, but it's your day off…"

_"Why did Pete decide to drive early in the morning to surprise her and arrive just as she came back from her morning run?"_

She has completely zoned out while Pete kept complaining. 

"... came all the way to your house to talk about work that could have waited?"

_"Why is it never easy when it comes to her and the Colonel?_

She finally collected herself before she gave into panic.

"I should probably call him," she said, her mind not registering what Pete just said. 

"What?" she asked when she heard Pete's exasperated sigh, his lips pressed together.

"Sam, why do you let him walk all over you? He can wait till tomorrow, he said so himself!" 

"You don't understand… he … " she didn't know how to explain to him that the Colonel only has a few weeks or days to live. Pete looked at her expecting her to finish her reasoning. She couldn't say more so she just gave in.

"You are probably right," she said, defeated. There was no point arguing when she knew she couldn't give him an explanation. 

"That's my girl!" said Pete with a smug smile, happy that he won this argument. "Now can we talk about our getaway? Which week should I set it up for? I haven't been there but I heard it is beautiful out there this time of year." 

She felt her fury of all that had happened come back with vengeance. 

"You still don't get it? I don't have a job that lets me randomly take a week off! Especially now! We are on the verge of … there are a lot of … things going on … out there at the moment and I really can't be planning on going away for a whole week!" she replied, the tightness in her chest growing in anger.

"Come on Sam, this 'I save the world every other week' is kinda getting old. It can't be that bad right?" 

"It IS that bad! And I don't appreciate you mocking my job! I know you don't like the fact that I can't tell you everything but that's how it is and I thought you accepted that. Now if you will excuse me, I planned on spending the day with Cassie. I need to get ready," said Sam as she pushed past him.

"Wait, I drove all the way here as soon as I could to be with you, and you are telling me you have plans?" Pete said, his voice rising.

Sam took a deep breath and tried to reel in her anger. "Pete, Cassie just lost her mother, the least I can do is spend time with her when I'm… here." 

"Fine, I guess I came for nothing. I'll just meet up with some of my buddies before I head back."

"I'm sorry Pete. I wish you would have told me so you wouldn't have wasted a trip." she said as she started picking her clothes for the day.

After Pete left, she immediately picked up the phone and called the Colonel but all she got was his voice-mail. She can't even fathom what he is thinking now. She decided to try to call him later and continued getting ready to meet up with Cassie.

Throughout the day, Sam tried again and again to reach the Colonel but it seems like he had no intention of answering her calls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me okay.  
> You all should know that it won't be that easy between these two.  
> 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is Jack's POV. 
> 
> Enjoy.

Jack felt sick to his stomach when Pete answered the door. As he got into his truck and drove off, all he could think about was how stupid he looked at her door while she was inside taking a shower after a night spent with her boyfriend. His mind was on the conversation he was going to have with her that he had missed the car parked out front of her house.  
Rage rose in him like a tide. How can she blast open that sealed door and then go home to her boyfriend. How can she be so cold hearted to share her feelings with him and then share a bed with someone else? 

"Jesus Christ!" he yelled, as he slammed his hands on the steering wheel. _'It serves you right to show up there unannounced!'_ he thought. "Plan B, ignore everything in motion," he said, clenching his jaw in controlled anger as the little hope that was blooming in his heart died. He needs something stronger when he gets home. 

He drove to the mountain the next day, his head pounding after an afternoon spent drinking and the ancient knowledge scrambling his brain even more. He wondered how things would go with the new leader of the SGC. He parked his car and as he started walking towards the checkpoint, he heard her. 

"Sir, wait up." said Sam as she jogged towards him getting out of her car. He slowed down his walk and waited for her to catch up, surprised by her little ambush.

"Carter," he said as a greeting as she catches up to him.

"Hi Sir, I was wondering if we could talk before we go in."

"Talk about what exactly?" He said, his usual warm and kind eyes replaced by a cold piercing look.

"I'm sorry about yesterday, I didn't know Pete was co.."

"Carter, I sooo don't wanna talk about this right now. If you haven't noticed, we have got bigger fish to fry than whatever … this is," as he gestures between them. 

"But Sir…" 

"Carter, drop it. I mean it!" he said as he halted his walk and faced her. She had that look where she knows she's right and would fight for it. "Or do I have to make it an order, Major?!" he barked at her.

"No Sir," she said, looking down at her shoes.

"Look Carter," he started, taking a deep breath as ran his hand through his hair.

"If we…if I survive this, you can talk my ear off for all I care. I just need us to focus on the job right now, okay?" He said, softening his voice a little. 

She looked up and gave him a small nod. She has to let this go for now. They have to save earth and save him. Samantha needs to take the passenger sit while Carter drives until this is over.

"You go ahead. I have a phone call to make," he told her with a serious face. 

"Okay Sir," replied Sam and headed inside. They both know the phone call was some bullshit excuse he was using to get out of what would have been an awkward elevator ride down to the heart of the SGC. 

Jack's subconscious was preparing for the trip to "procrush tonails" or whatever the name of the planet they are set to go. As he gathered the items for the trip, he couldn't stop thinking about Carter's emotions playing around in his mind. It's as if they are a part of him now. "Focus O'Neill," he said to himself and picked up the last item he needed. 

They were all bundled up in the ship as they slowly made their way to the planet. Jack has been tinkering around with some of the items he had spread out. Sam had kept her distance and he had been too preoccupied with whatever he was making.

"What is that?" 

Jack looked up and saw Daniel curiously watching what he just made. 

"I don't know," he said, as he stuffed the item in his pocket. 

"What?" Jack asked when Daneil kept looking at him.

"I would have done it, you know."

"I know."

"I mean, there has to be a way to reverse the effects. Once we have what we need. We'll find a way," said Daniel with determination.

"Coaxing anything we can out of the engines, but we're still two days away. How are you feeling, Sir?" Sam asked, as she walked into the room.

"A bit cruvis. A little fron-ache." replied Jack looking a bit uncomfortable. 

"We need to go faster," said Jack, getting up from when he was sitting as Sam and Daniel shared a worried look.

Jack pushed one of the crystals into a panel and got up as Sam joined him.  
"Give me your zat," said Jack.

Sam handed him the Zat. Jack fired it one time at the crystals. 

"There you go," he said, avoiding her eyes as he handed back the Zat.

"Sir, I think you should know that General Hammond authorized me to take command of the team if I determined it …" she said, feeling uneasy all over again.

"Do it now." said Jack before she finished the sentence.

"Sir, I don't think that's necessary yet."

"I trust you…I'll make it easy for you…I resign. You're in charge," he said, his lips curving up a bit.

"Okay," she said in a small voice.

As Jack's focus went back to the crystals, Sam couldn't let go of the subject he insisted on avoiding. She had to try one more time before it's too late.

"Sir, at your house before Daniel and Teal'c showed up, what I was gonna say was…" 

"I know," he said, quickly trying to avoid this conversation again. 

"Sir… Jack…" she said, closing her eyes. 

"And the recording, I … I hope... you now know and understand… everything."

She looked at him with pleading eyes, begging him to understand what he means to her. 

Jack was frozen in place, unable to take his eyes off of her. 

"Believe me, I understand… I know," he said, trying to hold it together as his mind took him to a time where they were face to face like this, a force field keeping them apart. 

What Jack understood was that if (and that's a big if) she still has feelings for him, he is not in a position to give her what she needs. He understood that she had to move on and be with Pete. He understood that she was letting him go. He saw first hand the evidence of it when he foolishly drove to her place on Sunday morning to be faced with the man she now cares about. 

What Jack didn't know is that when she left him the device, it was to show how much she loved him, and still does, even though she is supposed to be moving on with her life. He didn't know that if he had given her a small hint as to how he felt for her, she would have gladly given up her attempt to move on and wait for him until their time comes.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this chapter made me happy and sad at the same time.  
> Enjoy

Jack's condition deteriorated quickly once they arrived at the planet. On the way back to Earth, he spent most of his time in the ring room. No one had the heart to bother him if he needed some space from them all. He kept working on different parts of the ship, gadgets and the ring transporter. His ability to communicate had gone minimal, and once he activated the drones, he was barely hanging. 

"Sir!" said Sam as she rushed to his side when it looked like he had lost consciousness. "Don't you dare leave us now. We won," she said desperately. 

Jack opened his eyes and moved his head to look at her in the eyes. She grasped his chin and spoke 

"Colonel!" trying to reach his military survival mode. His soft brown eyes staring into her soul.

"Please… Jack!" she whispered, her eyes pleading with him to stay with her. 

With great effort, he reached for his pocket. He tried to speak but nothing came out. He wanted to wish her to have a good life and tell that his love for her is as strong as it ever was. He wanted her to know that he would be with her always. With all the strength he had, he reached for her hand and handed her a familiar item. She looked down at the object in her hand and closed her eyes, her heart aching. She opened her eyes that were filled with pain and stared down at what she was holding in her hand. Knowing he couldn't answer her, she was still about to ask him when he spoke.

"Dormata," he said, and Teal'c rushed to his side to carry him to the chamber they saw when they came in. 

She fought the tears that were threatening to consume her. She said her goodbye in silence. 

They were in Antarctica for the rest of the day still running on adrenaline. When they finally returned to the SGC, Sam disappeared into her quarters and let the tears of despair and a broken heart run free. They had no choice but to leave him in the stasis pod in Antarctica. She was cleared to go home. She didn't want to stay in the SGC. She felt like there were too many accusing eyes on her. But the worst were the sympathetic eyes that followed her in the hallways. She couldn't take it anymore so she drove home. With the bone deep exhaustion she felt, she couldn't even cry anymore. She didn't make it to her bedroom. Instead, she stretched out on her couch and closed her eyes while the events of the past few days play in her mind on repeat. 

She woke up disoriented to her cell phone ringing and she answered without checking the ID. It was Pete and he was worried about her. He made it to Colorado that night and she didn't have the energy or the will to tell him to go back a second time. She craved the comfort he provided and took it greedily. 

_"Being selfish again Sam?"_ She thought to herself. With that guilty thought in mind, sleep took over again as she was cocooned in the embrace of the wrong man.

The next few weeks went as a blur for Sam. After the briefing with Dr. Weir, Sam was determined to find a way to get the Colonel back. The rejection from him still stung, but it's still the Colonel. It doesn't matter if he didn't feel that way anymore. Even in his screwed up mind, he was lucid enough to return her heart in the form of that small device. What else could it mean? He gave her back the device she left him at his house.

Devastated but determined, she made her way to Dr. Weir's office. She basically blackmailed Weir into letting her and Teal'c go find the Asgard. In those ten days it took them to reach Othalla, she tried to keep herself busy from thinking too much about the Colonel with no success. Her attempt at a small talk with Teal'c had backfired, and their conversation led to the topic of Pete. She had told Teal'c all was well between them. She felt like her lie was written all over her face. Teal'c, being his usual self kept quiet, and she had to fill in the silence. 

"It's not easy saying goodbye to someone you care about when you think there's a chance you may never see them again," she said and immediately her mind went to the Colonel. 

_"What is wrong with you Sam? He is asking you about your boyfriend, and your mind is somewhere else!"_ she berated herself, and gave Teal'c a nervous smile hoping he wouldn't be able to read her mind. His sixth sense when it came to emotions scared her sometimes. 

Everything happened so fast. They were with Thor one moment and next thing she knew, she was being tortured by Fifth in a replicator ship. He had used her own mind against her. Every fear and phobia she had broadcasted into her own mind with intensity she can barely cope with. He hurt her again and again with rage fueled hatred. She was at the brink of giving up. She scrambled away from him and begged him to stop, tears rolling down her cheeks. Then all of a sudden her mind went blank.

She woke up in a bed unfamiliar to her. She was confused, not knowing where she was. It only took seeing Pete and her surrounding to realize that this wasn't real. Fifth had changed the scenario and wanted to play house wearing Pete's face.

"If it was something you wanted badly enough in your mind," Fifth said when she asked him if he thought she would just accept that this was her life now. That opened up what her heart's mind wanted the most, making Sam and Fifth witnesses to the truth within her.

_"She sees a beautiful lake surrounded by greens all around facing a beautiful cabin. She smiles and takes a deep breath of the crisp fresh air and closes her eyes. She turns around and opens her eyes when she hears his voice accompanied by a giggle._

_'Daddy, daddy down' said the giggling toddler when she saw her, her little legs dangling._

_The little girl wiggles out of his embrace as he bends to put her down. She runs towards her full speed, her sweet giggles mixing with the melody of nature all around them. She looks up and Jack is beaming at her like she has never seen before, eyes filled with love and affection._

_He looks down at the little girl and his smile broadens. 'Slow down munchkin,' he says to the little girl, who was about to knock Sam off of her feet if she doesn't brace for the fierce hug coming her way._

_As the little girl clutches to her leg, Sam is filled with love and tranquility. She is a mother, and a mother's love is pure and immeasurable. She has a little girl and that fills her heart with joy. She bends down and picks up the little girl with unruly brown hair and deep blue eyes. The little girl immediately wraps her small hands around her neck and gives her a messy kiss. Her heart flutters when she looks towards him again. Jack is ruffling a little boy's dark blond hair with affection as they approach her on the deck. With a big smile on his face, he leans into her and gives her a sweet kiss that tests like heaven and whispers in her ear. 'Did I tire you out last night?' He says, with a smug smile plastered on his face."_

"Major Carter!" Fifth yelled, taking her out of her very vivid imagination. 

"How… how can you have affection towards two different men?" Fifth asked in astonishment. 

"I … they… Fifth, we are a very complicated race. Our emotional capacity is not something that can be quantified or calculated," she replied and bitterly added, "Sometimes being human is accepting what life has served you and making the best out of it."

"I do not understand. Why do you hide your feelings? I … I don't understand." It was as if Fifth was overwhelmed by the amount of emotions Sam was projecting.

"This is what makes us … us, Fifth. We can't always have what we want, but it doesn't stop us from wanting it. This is why you have to let me go. You know I will never be happy this way. And I will always know that this or any scenario you come up with is not real… because… what you witnessed just now... I know I will never have it in real life."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sam's imagination is my favorite 😩 😍  
> I would love to hear what you thought of this chapter 🙂


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is another chapter of more heartache. 😔

Jack had woken up on board the Daniel Jackson. He immediately checked the Ship's log and the status of Sam when he noticed she wasn't with Daniel and Teal'c. He tried not to panic when he read the destruction of the replicator ship. Somehow though, he knew she was somewhere out there. She was not gone. He knew this deep in his heart. She can't be gone. 

He tried focusing on working on whatever he was making but he really felt like he needed to ask Thor a very important question he had been meaning to ask.

"Thor buddy, I've got a question for you," said Jack reappearing as a hologram. "How come you didn't name a ship after Carter? She saved you little gray butts more times than any of us, especially him," he said pointing at Daniel. 

"Hey…!" said Daniel in protest while Teal'c raised his eyebrow.

"And what about Teal'c? And I think I should have another one since you guys blew up mine!" Jack continued. 

"O'Neill!" said Thor, trying to get him to go back to his task at hand. 

"Okay, okaaayy… I'm going…" said Jack raising his hands in surrender and muttering something that sounded like "I thought Janet was a powermonger, boy… Thor takes the cake." 

He knew it, she was here. They just have to find her. As they searched the woods for Sam, something kept nagging at him in the back of his mind. As if he was missing something. Thor had said his memories will return slowly but he can't help but feel like he had forgotten something monumental. Especially when he approached her side on the ground and she gave him a little smile.

When she saw him rushing to her side, she looked up at him and relief filled her worn out body.

 _"He is back. He is safe. He is with us and it was all worth it,"_ was all she could think of as calmness washes over her. They started at each other savoring the moment. 

On the way back to Earth, Sam avoided Jack as much as she could. She gave excuses saying that she wanted to learn as much as she could from Thor while they were on board his ship. Jack had no memory of the events that took place after the download so Daniel and Teal'c were filling him in. 

A lot of changes happened in a short period of time. The Colonel was now the General. The first few weeks were chaotic with Anubis in the SGC fiasco, then Ba'al claiming he has SG1 while they deal with the overgrowing plant in the SGC. She became a Colonel. Daniel went missing … again. 

Sam had refocused on making herself happy with Pete. It had been blissful months of taking all the comfort he provided and completely ignoring the strong feelings she's had for the General. Pete had been amazingly understanding and she wonders what changed. The General had been his usual self, not giving any emotion to what she had shared with him. The fact that he didn't seem even a bit affected by what she shared with him had hurt her deeply. 

_"Has it been all in my head?"_ she thought as she worried over Teal'c being stuck in a VR world. Her vivid imagination that took place in Fifth's ship had shown her the bitter truth that was hard to swallow. Jack will never be hers. 

She didn't see it coming. She was completely caught off guard and didn't know how to respond. She asked Pete to give her time to think about it. Marriage. Marriage to Pete. He sounded so sure of what he wanted. She felt confused, conflicted, and that had made her angry. 

Teal'c's living arrangement off base was a long time coming, and it sounded like he was settling in. The team was talking about the issues of Teal'c's neighbor, and her frustration came out and she went on a rant. 

"They make you afraid of being alone, but at the same time tell you not to settle for anything less than the perfect romantic ideal, like that actually exists anywhere in the real world. Either way you can't win!" she said passionately as they discuss the social pressure society puts on women to find a suitable husband. 

She had said too much, and all she could do now is play dumb. She lied through her teeth when Daniel asked her if all is good. Internally though, she was fighting a war that seems endless. 

It had been two weeks since Pete gave her the ring and she is still not anywhere close to knowing the right answer. She had a ring box on the left and the device on the right contemplating why it has to be this hard. 

She touched the velvet black box and she was filled with anxiety. She reached out to the gray metallic device, and hurt and rejection overwhelmed her. She closed the drawer and tried to focus on her work. 

As she zoned out again, staring at her computer, the man who has been occupying all her thoughts said her name standing by her door. She had been avoiding him. She was not ready to hear his approval. She was still not ready to let him go. 

Jack approached Carter's lab cautiously. He's been having random flashbacks that didn't really make sense since he came back. He had recovered most of his memories but he felt like he was still missing something. Sudden waves of intense emotions kept washing over him without warning and he thought he might be going crazy.

 _"Do men get menopause?"_ he thought to himself and chuckled at his own silliness. 

He didn't know what caused these triggers of feelings. Sometimes it's a word, sometimes a smell or sometimes it's a sensation of deja vu. It's like all his senses have gone bonkers. What he noticed though was that it intensifies when he is around Carter. 

_"This is a problem for tomorrow. Let's see what's up with her first."_ he thought to himself as he neared her door. He scrambled to find something to say.

"I never thought I'd hear myself utter these words," he said and posed. 

She looked up at him, panicked. Sam stopped breathing when she heard those words. Her mind thought of everything they are not supposed to say and feel. Her heart was in her throat while she waited for him to finish. Her silly heart hoping he is going to reveal his undying love for her.

"I need that report."

"Right. Um, I just need to finish typing up my notes," she said, disappointment written all over her face as she pretended to search for her notebook. 

In truth, she knows she hasn't worked on it and has been preoccupied with the thoughts of the decision she has to make.

"Uh…yeah, I'll have it for you first thing tomorrow."

He looks at his watch and says, "It IS tomorrow."

"Oh," is all she could say.

"I'm joking, I don't need the report," Jack said as he entered the lab.

"Well then, why…." she said, confusion written all over her face.

"Because" he interrupted her, "something's going on with you. You haven't tried to confuse me with any scientific babble for the last couple of days, and that's a red flag to me," he replied casually. 

_"Shit, shit shit…"_ was all her mind was saying. _"Let's get it over with,"_ she thought to herself and with a deep sigh she reached for the ring. 

"Pete gave me this." Sam said and held her breath.

She came up with excuses, and he had answers to them all without giving any signs of emotion. She mentioned children and he had a valid response. She had nothing left except that one big topic that was off limits. _"It's now or never Sam,"_ she said to herself and asked the question, taking a risk once again. 

"What about you? If things had been different…" she says and immediately looked down, missing the longing and sadness that showed on his face.

"I wouldn't be here," he says somberly. He wouldn't be here watching her move one. He wouldn't be here letting her plan a future with another man. He wouldn't be here giving her up to someone else. If things had been different, he would have had her for himself. He would have married her. He would have been home taking care of their kids while she goes off exploring the universe. 

And in the grand scheme of things, he really wouldn't be here either. If things had been different, he wouldn't have gone on that suicide mission. He wouldn't have lost his son. If things had been different, he would still have been happily married to Sara and Charlie would have been a teenager. The sorrow of 'if onlys' broke something inside of him like never before. 

At that moment, it all came crashing down on him. His own despair triggered a clear image of the source of the emotions he's been getting randomly. It was her. They were her emotions and feelings… for him. He couldn't stay. He mumbled something and practically ran out of the lab trying to stay in control of the flashes that were accompanied by intense feelings. 

Putting on his best mean face, he marched towards the elevator heading to his quarters. It felt like eternity when he finally made it. He slammed the door closed as if that would ease the hopelessness he felt. He crumpled to the floor, eyes shut and his hands clasped over his head. She had shown him everything that was in her and he now realized he is about to miss his last chance to make things right. 

His knees protested as he tried to get up to go back to her, determined to convince her to wait for him. To ask her to give the ring back. To share with her his own feelings as she shared with him. His hand was on the door knob when his last memory surfaced and he remembered he had done exactly that. He had made another one of those feeling recorder things, and had given it to her filled with everything he felt for her. He had poured his heart out into that device. He had taken the time to make the recording as they were heading back to Earth from Praclarush.

" _Then why?"_ He thought. 

He let go of the door handle and headed to the counter to get some water.

_"Then why? Why had she stayed with the cop? Why is she contemplating marrying the guy knowing how I feel about her?"_

His whole body tensed as raw anger shot through him. He tightened his fingers around the glass and threw it across the room. It hit a wall and shattered on the floor. 

"Here is a cliche for you, Carter! You have broken my heart into pieces. What was left of it anyways," he said as he stared blankly at the broken glass. Who knew Samantha Carter could be so cruel and heartless. 

He paced back and forth in the room as he took deep breaths to calm himself down. He told himself to stop mourning for something he never had. He needs a distraction. He needs to move on. He has got a base to run too. "Suck it up O'Neill!" He said out loud. 

The hardass General was back in business when he left his quarters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it had always bothered me that we didn't see a Samantha Carter Asgard ship. Sam deserved one IMO.
> 
> Oh and yeah, u guys guessed it. He did record his own feelings 😄 the question now is how is Sam gonna find out the truth. 🤔
> 
> Let me know what you thought of the explanation for the "I wouldn't be here"  
> Do you think he was referring to his past or thinking about the two of them when he responded... or do you think both?


	7. Chapter 7

The months went by and Sam was going forward with the wedding. She had said yes to Pete on impulse after he helped her with Teal'c's situation. She felt happy. Happy to have finally made a decision. Happy to focus on something other than work. Happy she has finally moved on… ? That was still a question that she had buried deep inside her and she was not going to let it affect her life anymore. 

_"He doesn't want you. Get that through your thick skull Samantha,"_ she admonishes herself when the doubts try to creep out and criple her. 

She was sure no one had ever planned a wedding while simultaneously attempting to save the planet. So she gave herself excuses on why she was not as excited as she should be. She was going to get everything that she wanted. The whole package. A great guy, a great job, a chance to have a life and a family. Then why did she feel like she was drowning as the day got closer? 

She came to a sudden stop when she saw the woman by the Colonel's office door early in the morning. Openly smiling up at him, and him being his usual charming self. She felt her heart sink. 

Curiosity won over and when he finally beckoned her to come in she asked him who the woman was. His casual short answer didn't give her much but it filled her with dread that she is going to be seeing more of Agent Johnson from now on. 

The meeting between Pete and her dad went as well as expected. She was mortified when Pete blurted out how weird it is that her father is a Tok'ra. 

_"Great way to meet your soon to be father in law,"_ Sam thought sarcastically. The look Jacob gave her said it all. 

_"Really? This guy?"_ thought Jacob when the man kept talking while his daughter looked like she would rather be facing a squadron of Jaffa than being here. The guy seemed nice, but Jacob couldn't even fathom what Sam saw in him. _"The mystery of love,"_ he thought to himself. 

After Pete left, Jacob patiently waited for Sam to bring him up. When she did, it was as if she was trying to convince herself more than him of her decision of marrying the guy.

"I just met him -- what do you want me to say? I know how happy he makes you -- that's all that matters to me." 

His eyes were on her checking if the doubts he saw on her face earlier were not just his imagination. There was definitely something that was holding her back, and he hopes she knows what she is doing. He knew not to push too much. He remembered how stubborn she was when she was young and it still shows its head whenever she is pushed to a corner. It's ultimately her choice, but he hoped he could help her make the right decision in the days to come. He needed to hold on.

"Go pick flowers," Jack said, later that day, with his best fake smile, and Sam wanted to strangle her dad. It's not his fault he didn't know the topic of her wedding is a big no-no in front of the General. 

It all started to make sense now for Jacob. How could he have been so blind to it? He played innocent and said "what?" when Sam glared at him after he mentioned her plans with Pete. 

Jack is the thing that's holding her back. _"Huh, who would have thought?"_ Jacob thought, waiting for the reply that has stopped coming. Selmak is in a coma and he wished he had his companionship once more to help navigate this tricky situation between his daughter and Jack. He had his suspicion when he first met Jack and saw how his daughter looked at him but once he got involved in the program and had gotten to know Jack, he had dismissed his initial distrust for him and grew to like him and trust him.

After the meeting was officially adjourned, he followed Jack into his office and closed the door.

"Jacob, you know I dismissed the meeting right? It doesn't continue in my office," Jack said sarcastically as he got to his comfy chair. 

"Jack, what's going on?" Jacob asked, ignoring what Jack just said.

"What do you mean?" replied Jack looking at the folder in his hand.

"Don't play dumb with me Jack. Why was Sam pissed when I brought up her wedding?"

"Well Jacob, that's something you should ask your daughter. Don't ya think?" Jack said, irritation clearly showing in his voice.

"Jack, we are talking about Sam here. Did I miss something? Is Pete a problem? I just met the guy and he was a bit of a doofus. I don't really know what Sam …"

"Jacob! Why are you talking to me about this? I'm NOT one of your buddies to hate on the husband your daughter chose!" Jack yelled with an angry low voice Jacob wasn't expecting. 

"You might not be my buddy but you've worked with Sam for all these years and you can't seriously think this guy is right for her!" Jacob said with anger that leveled Jack's.

"Thankfully I am not her buddy either to gossip about boys. I'm her CO and you should know better!"

"Jack, come on. I saw how irritated she was just now. I just want to know if I'm leaving my baby girl in good hands," Jacob asked with a calm voice. 

Jack looked at Jacob. Really looked at him. He looked tired and seemed like aged years in front of his eyes. 

"What do you mean leave?"

 _"Damn it. I should have known he would latch on to that part,"_ though Jacob. 

"All I meant is that I want my daughter to be happy. I'm not here enough to give her counsel or to just be there for her." He took a deep breath and continued. "I've never worried about that before because she had you guys. But now, I'm not so sure."

Jack let go off his suspicion for now but made a mental note to check on him later on. He listened and took what Jacob said to heart. "You know I will always be there for her," he said, looking down to his hands, the folder long forgotten. "I didn't mean what I said. She is a good friend and I wish her all the best, but this is something that I cannot get involved in," Jack said, hoping Jacob will let it go.

Jacob quietly studied Jack and pushed a little more. "Any particular reason why you don't want to get involved?" 

The military mask that immediately came on was an answer enough. Jack sat up straightened and coldly said, "I don't know what you mean."

Jacob knew he would not get anything more out of Jack so he quietly said okay and left the office. He has his confirmation now. Those two are so deep in denial they can't even see the light. "I didn't wish this for you Sam," he said once he stepped into his quarters physically and mentally exhausted once again wishing Selmak was there. 

Jack was fuming in his office after the little chat he just had with Jacob. He was so sure he didn't show any irritation or any emotion for that matter, at the mention of the wedding. But somehow Jacob had picked up on the tension that has been growing between him and Carter. With Daniel doing God knows what out there, he is left to deal with this by himself. Not that he would share any of it with Daniel anyways.

Sam wandered into Daniel's lab that evening, looking for a translation he did on the weapon on Dakar. Rummaging through the uncharacteristically messy desk he left, she sighed when she couldn't find the notebook he wrote it on. She sat down on his chair and wondered if she would ever see him again. The General had insisted on not holding a memorial service for him since he strongly believed Daniel is not gone. Wishing she had his faith she opened one of the drawers and kept her search for the notebook. 

She froze when she saw a very familiar item. She knew she had it in her own lab drawer so how could it be here? She ran back to her lab and checked if it was still there. It was. 

Her mind was going a million miles per hour as she tried to understand the impossible. How are there two of them? Which one is the one she gave to the then Colonel? How did Daniel have an identical one in his lab? Who gave it to him? She got hers from Narim as they rushed to the stargate when Tollana was being bombarded by Anubis. She remembers what Narim said when he said his goodbye and gave her the device as a parting gift.

_"Samantha, here, take this," he said and handed her the device. "May this help you express your deep feelings for that special someone that will make you happy forever. I've modified it so that you can record on it without the need to wear it. Press the green button and close your eyes. When you visualize the memories, the feelings will be recorded accordingly. Now go and be happy," he said, giving her a kiss on the cheek._

She headed back to Daniel's lab, grabbed the device and went straight to the General's office. She was disappointed to see that he had left for the day. She took out her cellphone and thought about calling him but she decided against it. This is not a conversation they should have over the phone. She went to the locker room and started to change to head out. 

As she made an exit to head to his neighborhood, she started second guessing her hast decision to go to him. It changed into a full panicked as she approached his block. The ramifications of what this whole shity mess will bring made her stop the car.

"What are you doing Sam? You are about to be a married woman in a few weeks," she said as she sat in her car a block away from his home. She took deep breaths to calm herself down. 

Is she ready to risk her 'happily ever after' with Pete? Is the device even remotely connected to the General? What if an SG team found it on another planet? What if they gave it to Daniel to study it? But they would have told her right? Daniel is usually the first to knock at her door when they find things that are technological. 

_"Stop jumping to conclusions and think this through before you go knocking at his door, "_ she thought to herself. She got the car running and drove off, heading home. 

"Ugh…" she said with frustration. Pete was here. _"Pete hasn't done anything wrong! Be happy that you have someone to go home to,"_ she thought to herself and unlocked the door with a fake smile plastered on her face. 

The next day came along, and Pete, unaware of Sam's deep conflicting feelings, took her to show her the surprise he's been talking about the night before. She opened her eyes and saw a beautiful house.

"Uh ... well ... uh …" is all she could say when he asked her what she thinks. 

"Speechless, huh?!" he said, grinning ear to ear.

"Yeah!" said Sam with less enthusiasm.

Pete laughed in delight and said, "Yeah! Isn't it great?!" as he basically dragged her towards the house. 

"Remember our first night together? You described the house you always wanted?" Pete kept talking.

"I can't believe this," Sam said as she stood there. 

Suddenly all she wants to do is get out of there and run away from it all. Her future flashed before her eyes. Being a wife to Pete felt like a burden. A prison of her own making. 

Completely unaware of Sam's train of thought, Pete kept on speaking happily as he headed towards the house.

"The kitchen isn't yellow, but we can paint. C'mon -- I'll show you. And you're not gonna believe the backyard! The dog's gonna love it!"

"Dog?" she sighs. 

As Pete is showing her around, Sam was having a debate inside her mind. She has nothing against dogs. But having dogs with Pete just didn't seem right. If she can't even imagine having dogs with Pete, how is she gonna start a family with him? 

He finished his tour, and told her he had already put a downpayment on the place.

"You did what?" 

"Yeah. I mean this is our future Sam. The broker told me he…" 

"Pete! Yes this is OUR future. Don't you think you should have consulted me on it before making that decision?" she said in a calm voice. 

It's as if it didn't even cross his mind. 

"Sam… I … I just wanted it to be a surprise," he said not really understanding how upset she is about it. 

"And I appreciate that, but this is too big of a decision for you to make alone," she responded.

"Come on! It's what you said you wanted Sam. Don't try to make me feel guilty for this. I thought you would be happy!" 

"I admit the house resembles what I described for you then. But it still doesn't really make it okay," she replied. "Look, I need to go to the base for a little bit, can you drop me off at home?" she asked, not giving him a chance to respond to her previous comment. 

"Yeah," he said with disappointment. 

That is when Pete got a sinking feeling that the future he had planned out in his mind might not be what is in store for him. 

The drive home was filled with silence while Sam contemplated her next move. She desperately needs to talk to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What kinda dumbass buys a house without telling their partner?  
> I've said it before and I'll say it again, I HATE Pete with passion. 🤢 I don't like watching season 8 because of him!  
> @Becpea, I hope this chapter explained why the device worked differently than we saw on the series. 😊


	8. Chapter 8

She parked her car across his street, and thought about what she was gonna say to him. She was going to break all the walls they planted. She needed to know with certainty that he has no feelings for her and she needed to know if he knows about the other device she found in Daniel's office. 

She got out of the car and stood there looking at his home. Her heart is in her throat and all she wanted to do at the moment was to jump back into her car and drive off somewhere to hide. She saw smoke and figured he was on the grill. "Here goes nothing," she said to herself and made her way to the backyard. With a nervous smile she announced her presence. 

After an awkward greeting, Sam gathered her courage and responded to his question.

"Well, actually, I've, um…" she cleared her throat and continued. "I've been sitting in your driveway for the last ten minutes trying to work up the nerve to come and talk to you." 

Jack just raised his eyebrows at her as if to say continue. He forced himself not to glance towards the house and braced himself to what's coming. 

"The truth is, I've been trying to work up the nerve for a lot longer than that," she continued with a nervous smile. 

"Oh," he said, his mind racing as he gestured for her to continue. He prayed to God that this is not going to where he thinks it's going. Not now. Not when he has company.

"Pete put a down payment on a house," she said, and that was not remotely close to what he expected. How is he relieved and disappointed at the same time? His heart wanted a love confession while his mind knew it would have been the worst thing that could happen at that moment. 

"Well, that's great!" he said genuinely happy for her. If she is happy, that's all that matters. 

"It's a beautiful house."

Sensing there is more to this, he said "But?" giving her an opening to continue. 

What she said next gave his broken and battered heart some hope which he tried his best to nip in the bud. 

"The-the truth is, I'm having second thoughts about the wedding," said Sam. 

In earnest he asked her why. 

"See, the ... the thing is, the closer it gets, the more I get the feeling that ... I'm making a big, huge, mistake," Sam said, bringing out one of her deepest fears. 

Jack looked at her as if the answers to all his questions would be found right there, written on her beautiful face. He glanced towards the house and continued "Look, Carter, the ... I don't know what …" he stuttered, his heart beating out of his chest.

"Look, I'm sorry to bother you with this, but, uh ... see, there's actually a very good reason that I'm bothering you with this, and if I don't tell you now, I might never … and I … I wanted to ask you about the device because…"

"Jack, I looked everywhere -- I could not find …" came from the door behind her and Sam painfully closed her eyes, her worst fear coming true. He had moved on and she had just made a big fool out of herself. 

Jack stood there watching the scene unfold and winced when he saw the hurt in Carter's eyes which she hid right away.

Kerry was no idiot, she had immediately picked up the tension and knew she just interrupted a conversation that was not between a CO and a subordinate. 

"Jack didn't want anyone at the SGC. to know about us," Kerry said, not sure if she should continue. She kept her eyes on both of them and started to realize the truth they are trying to cover up. _"They are good,"_ she thought, but she can see the depth of it all in their eyes. 

The awkward silence that descended when Kerry invited Sam to join them was interrupted by Sam's phone. _"Thank God!"_ Sam thought as she looked at the caller ID. 

"It's the SGC," said Sam and picked up the phone. Her face turned white as she listened to what she was being told. 

"I-I gotta go. Uh, it's my dad," she said and left in a hurry. 

After Sam left his house in a hurry, Jack's phone also rang and he was told about Jacob. 

"I'm sorry Kerry, I have to go in as well. Jacob collapsed and it seems like we might lose him," he said somberly. 

"I'll clean up. You should go and be with your friend," she said with a little smile.

Deep in thought, he went to the bedroom, changed and left as she put away the charred meat and salad. 

Oh his drive to the mountain, Jack started to process what just happened in his backyard. Sam was there. She's having second thoughts. She had brought up the device too. He was caught off guard with her presence and the topic she brought up. He thought she was happy with the cop. He thought she had moved on. She already knew how he feels so why did she look unsure?

His hopeful heart wanted to finish the conversation without any interruption but now was not the time. She is going to lose her dad. Suddenly, what Jacob said clicked, and he cursed himself for forgetting to check with him. Daniel and Teal'c are not here so she will need him. He swore to himself, he would do everything in his power to support her.

The drive to the mountain went in a blur for Sam and she rushed to her dad's bedside. She was not expecting this. She was not ready to let him go. The four years they had together felt like four minutes. Her tears flowed unchecked down her cheeks when he told her Selmak is in a coma and that he is dying with him. 

It's been hours since she got there and kept her dad company. He needed to rest so she decided to head to the locker room to change into her BDU. 

She is going to lose her dad. Who else does she have now? Mark and his family are so far away and have no idea what her life is actually like. Daniel, the person who is like a brother to her, is most likely dead and she hasn't even processed that. Teal'c, her big hearted protector, was now one of the leaders of the free Jaffa. Cassie was starting her own life as she prepare herself for college. Lastly the General… the General had moved on. 

She has lost her mom at a young age and the universe is taking more from her now. The tears came freely once she entered the locker room. She crumbled down in the dark corner and started crying for everything she lost and will lose. 

She heard footsteps approaching the locker room and she tried her best to clean up her face. She stood up and went to her locker and quickly changed. 

Her dad was still asleep when she got back and she was mentally exhausted. She needed to sleep but she felt like he would be gone the moment she closed her eyes. Every minute counts now. She only has a day or two with her dad and she didn't want to waste it sleeping. She went to his bedside and stood vigil.

Once Jack got to the SGC, he had called in the doctor to give him an update on Jacob. Once that was done he had to report to the higher ups what he had learned from the doctor about Jacob/Selmak. He also had to contact the Tok'ra. Once all that was done, he made his way to see Jacob. 

He paused at the door when he was faced with the heart breaking image in front of him. Jacob looked like he was asleep and Sam was too, her head resting on the edge of Jacob's bed. He watched her, his eyes filled with longing and love wishing he could somehow make things better for her. God he would do anything to take away her pain. She looked so lonely and so small. His heart reached out to her and wished he could hold her and tell her everything would be alright. He looked up and he didn't expect to see Jacob's eyes on him. Jacob's eyes spoke volume and Jack knew what he was being asked. He kept his eyes on Jacob and with determination in his gaze Jack finally gave him a nod. Jacob understood what that meant. He gave out a sigh of relief and closed his eyes knowing that Jack will be there for Sam when he is gone. Reassured that his little girl will be loved and be protected he went to a deep sleep once again. 

Jack knew the promise he just made. They didn't need to use words. He and Jacob have seen a lot, have lost a lot, and have gained some things that made life worth living again. Jacob lived for his daughter, and that had given him this incredible life. He lived for his son and grandkids that he got to know better over the past few years. 

Jack lived for the small things, but mostly he lived for her. For her brilliant smile, for her ingeniousness, for her beautiful big heart. He lived to look out for her, to enjoy her company and to make her laugh. He lived to see the wonder in her eyes when she discovers something new. He lived to see the little frown between her eyebrows when something eludes her. He lived to hear her giggle when he makes stupid jokes. All in all, he lived to see her live and to see her happy. There is no use denying it anymore. He needs her. She brings color to his dark and gray world. If he loses her, his life would be empty with no joy and meaning. He would gladly take any part of her life she is willing to share with him. He looked at her once again and slowly approached. 

He gently put his hand on her shoulder and said her name. When she didn't respond, he squeezed her shoulder, got closer and called her name again. 

"Carter, wake up."

She slowly woke up and looked up to those beautiful brown eyes that were filled with sympathy and understanding. 

"S… uhm...Sir" she said groggily clearing her throat. 

"Go get some rest, Carter." he said softly. 

"I'm fine, Sir." she replied as she sat up straight. 

"Come on, Carter. No argument. I'll stay with Jacob. Let's go." Jack insisted.

"No really. The nap helped. I'm good now," said Sam stubbornly.

"Do I have to make it an order? You are no use to anyone like this. Come on, I'll walk you to your quarters," he said with a more stern voice. 

She gave him a small nod, looked at her dad and got up. They walked silently through the corridors and waited for the elevator. Both of them deep in thought of the events of the past few days. 

"Carter, I'm sorry about… you know… I wasn't…" he closed his eyes and continued, "I'm sorry about Jacob." 

"Thank you, Sir," replied Sam with a small voice.

"If there is anything you need, I'm here okay? Anything," he said, willing her to look up.

"I know Sir, thank you, Sir," she replied, still looking down at the ground. 

Jack didn't know what else to say. He meant to apologize about what happened at his place, but cowardly changed his mind. But when he saw the deep sadness and tiredness on her face, he knew this conversation had to happen another time.

He let out a big sigh and Sam looked up, her tired eyes asking him what's wrong.

"Oh you know just wondering when Daniel is gonna pop up," he said avoiding the matter at hand. 

"I hope you are right, Sir. Because if the intel is wrong about Anubis and he takes control of the weapon, we are all doomed, and Daniel and his glowy friends would be our last hope," she said.

"I doubt they would bother with our little problem. And hey! I thought we agreed that I'm the pessimist and you are … you know, the positive one. It will all be fine Carter," he said with a little smile as they entered the elevator. 

"Yes, Sir," she said, forcing herself to relax a bit. 

It was a short ride to level 25 and they kept their slow pace towards her quarters. 

Right when they reached the door, Jack gathered all his nerves and broached the subject. 

"Look Carter, I'm sorry about what happened at my house. I really would like to finish the conversation we started," he said and held his breath. 

Sam looked away from him with hurt showing on her face. 

"It's okay, Sir. Turns out I just like making a fool out of myself," she said surprising herself with her own honesty. 

"You are never a fool, Carter. And I'm glad you came to talk because you know me and ... talking. You are definitely braver than me," he said, hoping she believes what he said. 

"I … I just needed to …" she looked at him quickly and said, "never mind Sir. Have a good night." 

She reached for the wall slot with her key card. 

"Sam," he said as he reached out to stop her. She looked up, her heart hammering and her breath coming short. 

"I know now is not the best time to talk, but we really really need to finish that conversation. I've got some things to say as well," he said sincerely. Sam nodded and looked down. 

"I'll let you go rest now." he finished. As he started to turn around to leave, Sam called out.

"S…Sir."

He posed half turned looking at her with unguarded eyes.

"Thank you… and I would really like to finish the conversation too," she said with a sad smile. 

He smiled back and nodded, his eyes roaming her face. He really just wanted to reach out and hug her. 

"Good night," Sam said softly.

"Good night," Jack said, with matching softness, his gaze lingering on her eyes and lips.

That was enough for both of them for now. Sam went into her quarters and thought about what she just saw on Jack's face. There was hope and anticipation but it was clouded by tension and uncertainty. 

Seeing Agent Johnson in his home and the pain that surged through her was enough for Sam to know she will not be a married woman in a few weeks. No matter how the conversation goes, she knows marrying Pete would be one of the biggest mistakes she will ever make. With hope flourishing within her, she went to bed and got the rest she needed. 

Jack felt lighter as he headed back. He was scared she would completely shut him down after what happened at his place. She didn't and that gave him hope that she is at least willing to listen. He knew he took advantage of her vulnerability at this moment. She would have resisted more and shown her stubborn side if her dad wasn't in an unwinnable battle.

He needs to find a way to let Kerry go. She was a beautiful, funny and a smart woman who deserves better than being a second best. Things were going good between them. He was able to actually open up to the possibility of being happy again. She might not understand why he would break off things but he now knows it's for the best. 

He got some of his paperwork and headed straight to the observation room and watched over his sleeping friend for the next few hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are still enjoying this little fic. 
> 
> I know, I know... @GWhite. You still gotta wait a bit more to find out what Jack recorded. Lol 
> 
> Threads is one of my favorite episodes of season 8 and I wish they made it a two part like the lost city episodes.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, we've got more from Threads episode on this chapter.  
> Thank you for reading, sharing your thoughts and all the kudos. 😁 
> 
> Enjoy

It had only been four hours since Sam went to bed but she woke up refreshed. She got up, took a shower, and went to see her dad. When she got there, she could see a nurse checking his chart. 

"How is he?" she asked, wishing Janet was here. Even though she wouldn't have been able to do much, her constant friendship would have helped her cope with this better. 

"He is still with us, Colonel Carter." said the nurse, hoping that is reassuring enough.

"Thank you," said Sam and approached the bed. 

Jack joined them when he saw Sam coming into the room.

"Carter, it had only been what, three hours? Why are you up already?" he asked seriously. 

"It's been four hours, Sir, and I feel well rested. I'm gonna stay with him if you would like to turn in for the night," she said politely. 

Jack looked at her for a bit and noticed that she did look a little better. He was tired so he didn't argue.

"Alright. But if you need anything you know where I'll be," he said looking at her, and then at Jacob. 

"Good night, Sir." she said for the second time in one. night. 

"Night, Carter," replied Jack. He picked up his paperwork and headed to his quarters. 

A few hours passed as Sam sat by Jacob's bed side. She saw him waking up and gave him a little smile. 

"Hey dad," she said reaching for his hand. 

"Hey kiddo," said Jacob with a rough voice. 

"Did you stay here this whole time?" he asked, missing her change of clothes.

"No, I just came back an hour or so ago. The General ordered me to go rest." she said with a shy smile. 

"Good man," he said with a smile and continued, "He is a pain in the ass but he is one of the best people I know." 

"That he is dad," she said sincerely, patting his hand.

Jacob kept looking at her as if trying to decipher a complex code. He wished she was honest with him.

"What?" she asked.

"You are a good person too, you know. I'm not saying this because you are my daughter… well mostly," he said with a smile and continued, "You really are an amazing person Sam. I am so very proud of the woman you grew up to be." 

"Dad, come on," Sam said, admonishing him.

"I'm serious Sam. If your mother was her, she would have said the same thing and more. You are more than what I dreamt for a daughter. You are a treasure," he said, filled with love for his daughter. 

Her eyes filled up with tears. 

"Thanks dad. I'm gonna miss you so much." 

"I know kiddo. I know. But you are surrounded by people that love you and will take care of you. You will be just fine Sam. Trust me," he said, reassuring her. 

They chatted about this and that until Jacob fell asleep again. 

Sam went to her lab and tried to get some work done. She eventually gave up and was about to head back to the infirmary when the General walked in. 

"Sir," she said as he approached holding an apple in his hand. 

He tossed it to her and said, "Come on Carter. Time for some breakfast. Munch on that until we get there," he said as he turns around expecting her to follow him.

"It's a long loooong way to level 3 you know," he said louder than he needed to be. 

She chuckled and followed his lead. 

"How is Jacob?" Asked Jack as he took another mouthful of his oatmeal. 

"Not good," 

"I wish there was something we could do," he said with frustration. 

"I know, I keep hoping that this is just a horrible dream I'm going to wake up from," Sam replied, her fingers massaging her temple.

His eyes were on her, his hands twitching to reach out see if he can take away her pain. Instead he firmly gripped his spoon and continued "Did you talk to your brother?" He asked. Nowhere in the mountain is safe enough to comfort her the way he wanted to.

"No, dad said it will just make things more difficult." 

"Okay. The Tok'ra asked if they could send some representatives." 

"Oh. I'll let dad know," said Sam.

They ate their breakfast mostly in silence after that, never having the need to force a conversation. 

Once Sam finished her meal, she said her thanks and headed out to check on her dad. He woke up after a few minutes.

"Hey dad," she said looking worried. 

"Hey," He said in a weak voice.

"A number of the Tok'ra have responded. They wanna pay their respects," she said, trying her best to hold it together. 

"They can come," said Jacob in a quiet voice.

"I can't believe there's nothing they can do. They can remove a Goa'uld. In the last few years you've almost perfected the process of saving a host," said Sam desperately. 

"That process instantly kills the symbiont before it releases toxins. It's too late for that, Sam. I'm sorry. I hate to do this to you, but I should have been dead four years ago. Since then, I've been all over the galaxy. I've done things most men never dream of," Jacob responded with a sadness filled voice. 

"I just wanna know you're gonna be happy," Jacob emphasized. 

Sam looked up at him in surprise and replied. 

"I am." 

"Don't let rules stand in your way," Jacob said, trying to make her understand what he is referring to. 

Sam looked confused. _"Did he just? No way he would be referring to the General!"_ she thought to herself. 

"What are you talking about?" she replied defensively. 

Jacob gave her a look and said, "You joined the Air Force because of me"

"I love my job," Sam said with a watery smile.

"Mmm," said Jacob and nodded. He reached out and stroked her cheek and said, "You can still have everything you want." 

"I do dad," said Sam sincerely. 

Jacob looked frustrated that she stubbornly pretended like she didn't understand what he meant. 

"Really," Sam said, taking his hand again to reassure him but he just looked disappointed. 

She looked down again and whispered "Or I will…" 

That got Jacob's attention. He nudged her hand to make her look at him.

"Did you talk?" he asked, not needing to specify who he was referring to.

"We will," she said with a shy smile. "It will all be fine dad. I just wish you would be here." said Sam holding on to his hand tightly. 

Jacob looked up to the ceiling and gave a big sigh. He squeezed her fingers and said, "Good man," with a weak smile. 

After breakfast with Sam, all Jack could think about was how he was going to talk to Kerry. As he sat in his office, a knock got his attention and there she was standing by his door.

Kerry was smarter than them both in the matter of the heart. She had made it easy for him and broke it off herself. _"Are we that transparent or is she that good?_ He thought to himself. The CIA sure knows how to pick them. 

Jack just stood there deep in thought wishing it was that easy. He knew the Air Force won't be letting him go anytime soon. Still he needed to try. 

Kerry left Jack's office and headed towards the elevator. She was a few levels in when the doors to the elevator open and on the other side was no one other than Colonel Carter. 

_"Ohhhh nooo,"_ thought Sam when she saw the occupant. 

"Colonel Carter," said Kerry as a greeting. 

"Agent Johnson," said Sam as she entered the elevator and pressed the button for her Lab.

"I'm sorry to hear about your father," said Kerry sincerely.

"Thank you," replied Sam wondering why the elevator was going so slow.

They kept quiet the rest of the way. Sam gave Kerry a nod and waited for the door to open. Right when she stepped out, Kerry turned towards Sam, who was still inside the elevator and said, "Colonel Carter." 

Sam looked up at Kerry.

"I hope everything works out for you two," said Kerry with a smirk.

Sam was speechless as she watched the elevator door close, covering Kerry's knowing smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish we saw more of Sam and Jacob from threads.  
> One of the best things about fanfic is that we get to fill in the blanks. 😁
> 
> I actually liked Kerry and appreciated the push she gave Jack to pursue Sam. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter 🙂


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, more threads... 😁  
> I loved writing this chapter and I hope you guys like it too.  
> Thank you all for reading and for your lovely comments.

Jack showed up in the isolation room later on, and Sam excused herself to use the restroom giving them some space for Jack and her dad. 

"Hey Jacob," said Jack.

"Jack. Came to say your goodbyes?"

"Something like that," he said, shoving his hand in his pocket.

When Jacob didn't say anything back, Jack continued.

"It's been an honor, Sir. I'm sorry we couldn't do more," Jack said wholeheartedly. 

"It's been a pleasure, Jack," Jacob said with a weak voice.

Jack just stood there clearly wanting to say more but just didn't know how to.

"And did you just call me Sir?" quipped Jacob trying to get Jack to relax. 

"Well, you know… with … " he gestured towards Jacob and the bed and continued, "It felt appropriate."

"Take care of yourself and your people," said Jacob. 

"I will," Jack said seriously.

"And the thing we agreed upon?" Asked Jacob.

"Will be taken care of," Jack said, reassuring the dying man.

"Good," said Jacob with a smile and Jack couldn't help but smile as well. 

When Jack was informed the representatives from the Tok'ra were ready to come through, he excused himself and went to greet them at the gate.

Sam went to the observation room once she came back. Jack walked in with the representatives of the Tok'ra and led them to Jacob. Wondering where Sam was, he looked around the room and then up. There she was, sitting all alone, looking small and forlorn. Once again he wished Daniel and Teal'c were there.

He made his way up there and sat next to her.

"You okay?" he said, looking down at the ceremony the Tok'ra were performing below. 

She gathered her thoughts and replied.

"Actually, I'm fine. Good, even, strange as that sounds. I thought I lost him four years ago. Since then, we've been closer than we ever were in my whole life. In a way, Selmak gave me the father I never thought I'd know."

Jack studied her face and noticed her eyes were puffy and red. Despite her just saying she was fine, when he looked at her, he could see she was mentally exhausted. At the moment, all he could do was offer her the little comfort he can give under the circumstances. 

"C'mere," he said as he put his arm around her shoulder. She immediately seeked out his hand and leaned into his shoulder. She unconsciously rubbed her thumb against his hand as they sat and watched Jacob. 

"Thank you, Sir." said Sam, feeling grounded as she took comfort in his embrace. His hugs have always given her a sense of peace. 

"For what?" Jack asked quietly, searching her face. 

"For being here for me," said Sam, still looking ahead. He didn't need to be here comforting her but he is. He is here with her and that means everything.

Jack's gaze wandered over her face admiring her strength and he wholeheartedly replied. He lost himself in her eyes.

"Always," he said, his eyes filled with care and adoration for this woman. For him, there was nothing more important than being here. He only wished he could give her more than a side hug. 

Sam held his gaze and drew strength from it. Their eyes stayed locked, both filled with love unspoken. She leaned into his hand and finally looked away to watch over her dad. Jacob was looking up at them with tired eyes. She wasn't sure if she imagined the faint smile that was on his face.

It was time. She went down to say her final goodbye. 

At the end Sam held Jacob's hand, leaned in and kissed his forehead. Jacob opened his eyes and said his last words to his daughter. 

"I love you."

He closed his eyes for the last time feeling content and at peace. 

The flood gate opened and Sam let herself cry holding his hand in hers.

Everyone left the room, giving Sam space to mourn her father. She had accepted his death but it didn't mean it would hurt less. 

Jack, still in the observation room, watched her as she broke down wishing he could comfort her openly. 

"Where are you Daniel," he said looking up. 

She finally gathered herself after a few minutes and got up to go clean up. She didn't expect Jack to be waiting for her by the door. 

"C'mere," he said again, not caring who was watching and took her in his arms, holding her tightly.

She snuggled into his embrace and cried some more while he embraced her tightly. His hold on her soothed her aching heart and she gave out a long sigh.

"You give the best hugs you know." She said, filling her lungs with the scent of Jack O'Neill. 

"I practice," he replied and got a small chuckle from her. _"She'll be alright,"_ he thought as he gently rubbed her back. 

"You okay?" He asked to be sure.

Sam nodded into his chest, holding him tighter.

"I'm here for anything and everything you need. Please tell me how I can help," Jack said, burying his face into her soft hair and tightened his hold on her.

Sam didn't want to let him go, afraid she would truly be alone if he did. His promise of always ringed in her mind and she untangled herself and looked at him. His brown eyes showed his sincerity and his eagerness to do whatever she asks.

"You can give me a ride home…" she replied. 

"Done," he said with a smile, his eyes softly looking into hers.

"Meet you top side in…?" Said Jack, letting her decide. 

"An hour," she said. 

Sam went to her lab as Jack headed back to his office to let General Hammond, the President, and Joint Chiefs know the passing of Jacob.

Sam had to make some calls regarding Jacob starting with her brother. She sat on her stool and took out her phone. 

The conversation with Mark went as expected. She wasn't able to give him any details which didn't help the situation. She had to lie and say the cancer came back.

"Well at least you have Pete with you until we see each other," he said somberly. 

_"Oh God, Pete,"_ thought Sam. She needs to talk to him. 

"Eh...yeah. See you soon, Mark," she said to her brother. 

She got a call from General Hammond offering his condolences. Those two had been friends for a long time and Sam could hear the sincerity in his voice and his fatherly support. 

She looked at the time and headed to the locker room to change and went topside. Jack finished his phone calls and told Walter he is gone for the day heading out as well. 

The car ride was mostly quiet, and Sam fell asleep leaning against the window. Jack drove and kept glancing at her whenever he could. He wondered what the future holds for them. Will they finally be together? What if they do get together and he screws it up. What if she changes her mind about him? Or worse, what if she decides to go on with the wedding? "You are getting way ahead of yourself O'Neill," he thought to himself. She only said she was having second thoughts, she hasn't said she won't marry the guy. He shook his head and stopped that train of thought and looked at her peaceful sleeping form. His mind went back to the moments they shared since she showed up at his home and those moments gave him hope that somehow it will all work out. No matter what the future holds, he had made a promise to her and her father. He would be there for her. 

He parked the car and reached out and moved a strand of hair from her face. 

"Hey, we're here," he said softly, his hand on her shoulder now. 

She woke up and she looked confused for a bit until it all came back to her.

"Oh… ehm...thank you for the ride, Sir," she said, stretching in the confined space. 

"Go get some rest Carter. I'll be back with some groceries."

She hesitated for a bit so he continued, "Unless you want to call P…"

"No," she replied quickly. "No, I'm actually starving," she said, avoiding the topic of Pete and glancing at him with hopeful eyes.

"Well, in that case, forget groceries for now. We'll order take out," he said with a smile. 

"Sounds good Sir," she said, and climbed out of the truck. 

Jack took a deep breath, killed the engine, and followed her.

"So, what's the plan? how can I help?" he asked as they sat on her couch after they ate. 

"You are helping… Sir," she replied and looked serious and continued. 

"It will be a typical Air Force funeral. We all know the procedure." 

"Right," Jack said with a nod. "The president offered his condolences." 

"That's nice. General Hammond said he will be there." 

"Of course, Carter. He wouldn't miss it," he replied softly. 

The conversation seemed dead, and Sam looked like she was about to drop with exhaustion. 

"I'll let you rest. We can start the planning tomorrow," he said. 

He got up to put the beer bottles and take out boxes to trash.

She followed him with her eyes still sitting on her couch. _"This is so domestic and it feels right,"_ she thought to herself. Seeing him in his backyard relaxing and enjoying his afternoon with his lady friend made her envious. And now them, hanging out in her home enjoying each other's company was just right. But the question is, was she the other woman or Kerry?

"Hey, i know this is a loaded question but what's wrong?" he asked when he came back and saw the deep frown on her face.

"Uh… nothing really. Just thinking about something Agent Johnson said," she said still deep in thought. She really didn't mean to say it out loud. 

He froze mid step and looked anxiously at her. 

Sam, always the brave one to breach the subject, continued. 

"She said 'I hope it works out for you two.'" Sam said and looked down at her hands.

"Oh," Jack said, caught off guard.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, it's just that I wasn't sure who she was referring to and I thought maybe…" said Sam and trailed off as she searched his eyes.

"Uh, she said that?" he asked, trying to find the right words to tell her what happened. When he saw Sam starting to emotionally retreat, he blurted out the first thing that came to his mind.

"She saw right through me. And she ended it because you know… who wants to be second best?" he replied with a little smile.

"Oh," is all she could say. _"This means he is single again,"_ her heart fluttered.

"Yeah," he said, rocking on his feet, both hands shoved into his pockets. 

"I'm gonna give back the ring," she said, looking down at her hands again. 

"Oh," he echoed her response. He thanked all the Gods for the relief that came with this information. 

"What a pair we make, huh?" Sam said with a big sigh still looking down. 

Jack approached her a bit and she looked up with watery eyes. 

"We'll figure it out. I promise," he said, keeping his eyes on her asking her to trust in him.

"Okay," replied Sam and stood up to walk him to the door. They both knew they should keep their distance for now because in the emotional state they were both in, the temptation to take comfort in each other’s hands was very high.

Right before he left, Jack turned around and engulfed her in another tight embrace. 

"I'm sorry about Jacob, Sam," he said as he squeezed her tightly and buried his face in her neck. 

"Thank you. For everything," Sam replied, hugging him as tight as he did. They stayed like that for a while, both wishing they didn't have to let go. 

"The least I can do," he replied and loosen his hold on her. "Call me if you need anything, okay," he said as he let go of her. He searched her face and his eyes landed on her lips. It's as if he was being pulled in by an unknown force. He couldn't resist. He leaned in and gave her a soft kiss on the corner of her lips. Before Sam could react, he quickly pulled away, opened the door and walked out.

"I will," she said to the wind with a little smile on her lips.

Jack knew if he turned around to see her eyes again, he wouldn't be leaving at all. God knows he was tempted to forget everything for just a moment and give into their needs but he wanted to do this right by her. And of course there is the fact that she was still technically engaged to another man.

He jogged to his truck and drove home with hope flourishing within him and his broken heart mending once again. One thought kept nagging him though. 

Why did Sam accept the proposal in the first place knowing how he felt about her?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love when Jack and Sam hug (if you haven't noticed in this chapter lol). I might go out and say that I love their hugs more than their kisses... maybe... 
> 
> Oh and my one wish for myself is to get one of those hugs from RDA and Amanda. (But mostly RDA!)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very short chapter dealing with Pete.  
> Yuck!!

She woke up early the next day and she knew she had to talk to Pete. She hasn't even told him about her dad yet. 

She called and asked him to meet up by the house he put a down payment on. 

She was waiting for him as he made his way to her with a big smile. 

"You make the prettiest picture sitting here on our bench. The house suits you."

Sam winced knowing that smile will be gone at the end of this conversation. As he got nearer, he saw her puffy face and red eyes that were still there.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked as he sat next to her and reached out to hold her hand. 

Sam sat quietly for a little while gathering her thoughts and started. 

"Pete, I want you to just listen, can you do that for me?" she asked, untangling her fingers from his.

"Yeah babe, of course," he said, dreading what's to come. 

"Dad… dad passed away yesterday. He was…"

"What? but…" he interrupted. She glared at him. 

“Sorry.”

"He was sick and didn't tell anyone because there was nothing that could be done. I just wanted to tell you that before I get to the reason I called you here today." 

Pete just nodded and kept quiet. 

She reached into her pocket and took out the ring box. Pete looked at her hand and then her, understanding where this was going.

"Pete, I'm sorry but I made a mistake accepting your proposal. The fact that it took me two weeks to give an answer should have been enough for me to realize what I want but I was too stubborn to listen to my own heart." 

She gave a big sigh and continued. 

"I know now that if we get married, I will be ruining your life and mine. I thought you would accept the difficulties that came with my job but it's clear that you can't."

Pete wanted to protest but Sam put her hand up and continued. 

"And I don't blame you. You are a great guy with a lot of love to give. But you deserve someone who will commit to you wholeheartedly. I loved every moment we shared together, but I've now realized that this is not the life I want," she finished and handed him the box.

"Can I speak now?" he said his eyes looking down at the box in his hand.

Sam just nodded and said go on.

"I knew from the beginning. Guess I just thought when you said yes that …" he said as he put the box in his pocket. 

He gave a big sigh and continued looking at Sam. 

"You were worth the risk. Don't say I deserve better. Can't get much better than you." 

"That's not true." said Sam. 

If only he knew that she got into this relationship knowing she still had strong unresolved feelings for another. If only he knew how many times her mind had drifted away to another man while they were together. If only he knew the only reason she stayed with him was her stubbornness and conviction on getting a normal life. But he didn't need to know all that. It would just hurt him more.

"I wish I could believe this had something to do with your father. You needed some time to just work things out. I guess all I can say is, I hope you get what you want," he continued.

"That's it?" she asked, wondering why he wasn’t more upset. 

She got her wish.

"What do you want? You want me to get down on my knees and beg?" he yelled in a controlled voice.

His outburst startled her. The memory of Fifth wearing Pete's face came to her mind and she flinched. 

"God, no! Of course not! I just ... I thought you would react differently," she said, trying to make him understand. 

Pete fought to control the tears that filled his eyes.

"Goodbye, Sam." he said and walked away, tearing off the SOLD sign on his way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good riddance Pete!  
> Now we can focus on the real couple. 
> 
> Thank you all for sticking with this story. I hope you are still enjoying it even if this chapter sucked.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really REALLY need to thank XWingKC for the detailed info she gave me that was needed for this chapter.  
> (The benefit of having a beta that had military background) 😁
> 
> I'm always thankful for you guys for going on this journey with me. 
> 
> Enjoy

It took a few days to finish all the arrangements for Jacob's funeral. Mark arrived in Arlington with his family the day before the funeral. 

"Hey Mark, I've been thinking." she said nervously. 

"I think dad would want you to receive the flag." 

They have been sitting at the hotel bar for a few drinks and finishing up last minute preparations. 

"Sam, come on. You are the one in the military. It would make sense if you get it," Mark protested. 

"I've had the last four years working closely with him whenever he was … in town. You deserve something of him as a way to remember, " Sam insisted. 

"I get that but Sam, this means a lot more to you than it ever would for me. I'm glad you had those years with him and I'm glad me and dad worked things out. I'm… I'm okay. You should have it," he said with conviction. 

"Are you sure?" Asked Sam. 

"Yeah, I am. Trust me on this. It belongs with you," said Mark patting her hand.

Sam stayed quiet for sometime and finally agreed.

"Thank you."

"Believe me, dad would be happy that we are actually talking and not fighting about this," he said with a little smile. 

Sam had told him that she had broken things off with Pete earlier and he still didn't understand why. When he heard about the engagement from Pete, he was surprised and happy for them but it looks like things didn't go as planned. No matter how much he resented the military life his sister and dad chose, Mark decided to be the supportive brother Sam needs as they bury their father. 

The next day came and Sam approached General O'Neill and General Hammond as they exited the car to follow the caisson heading towards the sight. 

"Sam, how are you holding up?" Asked General Hammond when Sam got close. 

"I'm okay Sir. Thank you for coming," Sam said looking up to both Generals. 

Jack, standing behind General Hammond, gave her a nod, unable to do anything more at the time.

General Hammond held out his hands and spoke as he gave Sam a fatherly hug.

"Jacob was one of the best people I know. More than that, he was one of my closest friends. Of course I would be here to say goodbye."

He held on to her hands and continued with a sad smile.  
"Besides, he had made me promise to look out for you when we talked on the phone before his passing," 

Sam returned the sad smile, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. 

"Sirs, do you mind if …" she glanced at both of them and continued, "Do you mind if you both walk with me?" she said not sure if she was asking too much.

Jack let General Hammond take the lead on this.

"We would be honored to do so, Sam," General Hammond said and continued, getting a nod from Jack as well.

"But are you sure? Where is …"’

Before he finished the sentence Jack squeezed Hammond's arm and knew not to push.

"Well you see, Mark has his family and well I… I have you guys," she said as tears gather in her eyes.

"We would be honored, Carter, lead the way," said Jack with sympathy and understanding shown on his face. He really wished Daniel and Teal'c were here to support her. _"She needs her friends. Nobody should go through this alone,"_ Jack thought and cursed the timing of it all. _"Janet would have been there for her if she hadn't…"_ he thought bitterly and stopped that train of thought. _"No point in stewing in the 'if onlys', just be here for her Jack,"_ he said to himself. 

They all walked silently through the beautiful and peaceful scenery. Mark was holding his wife's hand, one kid on his left and one kid on his wife’s right.

Sam walked with General O'Neill on her left and General Hammond on her right, all in their uniform. Sam walked tall and strong as she took strength from the Generals by her side. When they reached the gravesite, Sam and Mark sat in front and the minister started his speech. General Hammond and Jack sitting right behind them with Mark's wife and kids, the rest of the crowd behind them. 

When the Minister finished his service, the 21 gun salute proceeded. As the honor guard started folding the flag, Mark noticed Sam was getting teary knowing what's to come.

He reached for her hand and squeezed. 

"You got this," he said in a low voice. Sam looked at her brother thankfully and gave him a small nod. 

General Hammond approached after the flag was folded and the flag was passed on to him. Seeing the General approach holding the flag was what finally got her tears rolling down her cheeks.

General Hammond got on one knee and looked Sam in the eyes and recited the words as he handed her the flag. 

“On behalf of the President of the United States,The United States Air Force and a grateful nation, please accept this flag as a symbol of our appreciation for Jacob's honorable and faithful service."

With tearful eyes, Sam accepted the flag.

Jack watched Sam, wishing he could be next to her and comfort her. When General Hammond presented her with the flag, he could see her back tense up as she tried to reel in her emotions. He had a promise to keep and he intends to fulfill it soon. "I'll find a way, Sam, I promise," he thought to himself. Maybe it's time to talk to General Hammond.

Once the ceremony was over, everyone started leaving. Sam and Mark stood side by side and said goodbye to their father. Mark beckoned Sam to lead her back to the car but she asked him to give her a few minutes. As Mark turned to leave Jack approached with his hands in his pocket. Seeing the man in full uniform that walked with them, Mark went to Jack to introduce himself. 

"Hello… General," said Mark looking at the star on Jack's shoulder. 

"Hello, Mark. Call me Jack," said casually. 

"Okay, Jack. Sam and dad had mentioned you before. You are Sam's CO right?"

"Yes I am. I'm sorry for your loss."

"Thank you. Thank you for being there for Sam. I'm glad she has people looking out for her," he said thoughtfully. 

"It was an honor working with your dad. Carter is grateful to have your support as well," 

"Yeah, and I hers. Well it's nice to finally put a face to the name," said Mark and reached out for a handshake. 

"Likewise," said Jack and shook his hand. He saw Sam still standing there by the gravesite and gestured towards her letting Mark know where he is heading. 

"Carter," he said when he stopped at her side.

"Hi, Sir," 

Jack stood there quietly for a bit and continued. 

"I'm heading back to Colorado soon. There is an issue I need to deal with."

"I should come with you then," said Sam turning towards him.

He put his hand on her arm and softly said, "You just buried your dad. Stay, and spend some time with your brother and the family." 

When she was about to protest, he squeezed her arm lightly and continued, "Sam, trust me. If there's an intergalactic emergency and we need you, I'll have you in the air in minutes. I'll see you when you get back okay," 

"Okay," said Sam giving in. 

"Sir, thank you for everything. I couldn't have gone through this without you," she said looking into his eyes. 

"Always," responded Jack, glad he could be some source of comfort for her. 

"Always?" she asked as she looked down in a small voice. She desperately needed the assurance. 

"Yes, always," said Jack, hoping she understood the full meaning of what he was saying.

Sam looked up again searching his eyes. Finding what she was looking for, she gave him a watery smile. They headed back to their respective cars in a comfortable silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jacob should have had a proper send off on screen imo.
> 
> Supportive and understanding Mark is rare lol. I don't think he was that much of an asshole so I made him a loving brother.
> 
> I know, I know... I didn't forget about the devices (the plot of this fic) lol. I just felt the need to add these details that happened in the background that we didn't get to see on screen.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've got some Jack and Hammond, Sam and Mark AND Sam and Jack conversations in this chapter. 
> 
> I can't believe we are only a few chapters away from the end! 
> 
> Enjoy 😉

Jack was going to take a transport from DC so he joined General Hammond's car in the short trip.

"How is she?" asked General Hammond.

"Well, you know Carter, Sir, she's strong but it was hard on her seeing Jacob like that," said Jack, his mind going to that unfortunate day he held her tightly as she cried for her father.

"I was expecting her fiance to be there for support," said Hammond fishing for information. 

Jack shifted in his seat and replied.

"Uh… I think she broke it off. Well, at least that's what she said she would do. I don't know if she had yet," he rambled. 

"I see," said Hammond looking at the man across him that was reaching for a glass of water. 

"Any idea why?" asked Hammond. 

Jack choked on the water he was drinking when he heard the question. When he controlled his breathing he replied. 

"I don't know, Sir. She really hasn't talked about it," hoping the General would stop the questions. He needs to take the lead of the conversation. 

"Um, Sir, I was wondering about… well you know I wanted to retire when I took over the SGC. I am reconsidering it again," Jack started. He knew he was digging himself a deeper hole but he needed to try.

"And why is that Jack?" asked Hammond, putting aside formality for now.

"I think it's time. There are things I need to… focus on… you know," said Jack hoping Hammond would not ask specifics. 

"Anubis is still at large Son, there is no way the president will let you go at this time," said Hammond. 

"I know Sir. Obviously not now but once we deal with him. You know that we are waiting for intel from Teal'c. Hopefully he will bring good news. Once that's taken care of, do you think it is a possibility?" asked Jack hopefully. 

"I'll be honest with you Jack. My health hasn't been great and I have already filed my retirement papers. I'll be retiring soon. They are considering you to take my place," said Hammond wishing he could give him the answer he wanted.

"I see," said Jack with resentment but then thought of what this could mean.

"Son, I have a fairly good idea why you want to retire. If you take a cabinet position, if approved, it will… open up other options for the two of you," Hammond said, giving Jack a knowing look. 

Jack looked more uncomfortable and avoided Hammond's eyes and asked the obvious question.

"Options, Sir?" 

"Don't give me that crap Jack, it's insulting," Hammond replied in a stern voice.

"That obvious, huh?" Jack replied as he scratched his head. 

"Yes Jack, I've known you for seven years and her for much longer. Despite what you thought, I'm not blind," Hammond replied with a little smile playing on his lips. 

"Yes, Sir," was all Jack could say, contemplating if he is lucky enough to survive if he just open the door of the car and roll out of there. 

"We will talk about it once we take care of Anubis. Let it rest for now okay," Hammond said putting Jack at ease.

"Yeah," Jack said, processing what this all means for him and Sam.

"What was that about your health Sir?" Jack asked. 

"It's a long time coming, I'm having heart problems. The stress of the job is not helping,"

"I'm sorry to hear that," Jack said hoping it wasn't as bad as it sounded. 

The sudden silence made Jack uncomfortable and he continued. 

"And you want me to take the job?"Jack said trying to lighten the mood.

Hammond chuckled and replied, "You are going to give those bureaucrats a run for their money."

Mark and Sam stayed behind at the hotel when his wife and kids went for sightseeing after early dinner. 

"Mark, I got something for you from dad," Sam said as she pulled out a piece of paper. "He wrote it after he collapsed the first time and asked me to give it to you after the funeral."

Mark reached out, took the letter and took a deep breath and opened the paper to read it. 

**_"Hey Mark. I thought I would be able to hold on until I came by to see you and your family. I wanted to say goodbye and tell you this in person.  
A good friend once told me that many things are complicated, loving one's children is not one of them. I love you son. I'm sorry for the time we lost over the years.  
Thank you for letting me back into your life the last four years. I am so glad I got to know you and my grandkids. I am so proud of you son. In the short visits I had, I saw what a wonderful father you've become. You have a beautiful family Mark. Cherish them and love them unconditionally. Be good to your sister too. She will need your support more than ever. Tell the kids I love them and hug them for me. _ **

**_Love  
Dad _ **

Mark tried but failed miserably to not cry as he read the letter his dad left him. Sam scooted closer to him and put her hand on his shoulder. He engulfed her in a hug as he cried. He was there for her at the funeral and she is here for him now. 

"Thanks," Mark said as he let Sam go and wipe the last of his tears. 

Sam squeezed his hand and gave him a watery smile. 

"I… I didn't expect this. This is dad we are talking about." 

"Yeah but Mark, dad has changed a lot the last four years. You saw it when he came for visits. He wasn't the same hard ass General father he was when we were younger." 

"And that's what I don't get Sam. How does a person change that drastically?"

Sam, wishing again she could tell him about Selmak, settled for the half truth.

"I guess when he first got cancer, it must have given him some kind of a wake up call. Believe me, I was surprised by the changes too."

"Yeah, I guess," Mark said, looking down at the letter again. 

They sat down there reminiscing about their childhood until the rest of the family joined in. 

"I'm gonna turn in for the night. I'll see you guys tomorrow before my flight," said Sam heading to her room. 

The next day came and Sam said her goodbyes to Mark and his family, and headed back to Colorado. She hasn't heard from the SGC so she decided to call the General.

"General, I'm back. Any news?"

"Hey Carter. Haven't heard from T yet. We are still in the dark." 

"That's troubling."

"For all we know, they are celebrating after kicking ass," he said, trying to sound casual then continued.

"I was on my way home for the night. Do you mind if I stop by?" He felt like he needed to check on her.

"Um… sure Sir," said Sam, uncertainty clear in her voice.

"You know what, it's kinda late and you had a long flight. I'll just…"

"No! … Sir," responded Sam cutting him off. "I would like the company… please."

"Okay. I'll be there in 10 minutes."

Sam had been brewing an idea in her mind since the funeral. Seeing Mark with his family as he grieved for their father had finally given her the push she needed to find a solution to the problem she and Jack have. 

She was a nervous wreck. The ten minutes she waited felt like hours. _"Why is he coming? Does he want to have the talk now? How would he react to what she has been thinking about?"_ she asked herself. 

She was pacing the living room when she heard the knock. 

"Come in Sir,"Sam said with a nervous smile.

"Carter, you look like crap," he said, standing by the door.

"Thank you?" She replied and led the way.

"Did you sleep at all?" he asked, slowly following her into her home.

"Not really," Sam said heading to the kitchen. 

"How was the flight?" he asked.

"Long. I took a commercial, and I could only find a connection flight."

"Ouch. I'm sure you could have found a transport instead."

"Yeah, I just wanted some time away from…" she didn't finish the sentence and opened the fridge. 

"Oh… um okay," said Jack, not really understanding what she was referring to.

Sam grabbed a water bottle and handed it to him and stood awkwardly looking anywhere but him.

"Is everything okay, Carter?" said Jack confused at her behavior. 

"Yes Sir. Just a long day is all," replied Sam, turning and grabbing another bottle for herself.

"Carter, why are you avoiding looking at me?"

"I'm… I'm not Sir," she looked at him then turned around to clean the already spotless counter. 

"Then please look at me when I'm talking to you," he said softly. 

She looked up with teary eyes not knowing where to begin. 

"Hey, come here," he said and got closer. 

"I'm okay, Sir, really," she said, fighting the tears that threatened to flow.

Jack ignored her protest and hugged her. "It's all going to be alright Carter, whatever it is, I've got you."

Sam held onto him like he was her lifeline. She nodded into his shoulder and held on tight. 

"You wanna tell me what's going on?" asked Jack softly. 

She untangled herself from him and looked down.

He held onto her hands and gave them a squeeze hoping it would give her some strength. 

"The last two days, I saw my brother grieve for dad. I was grieving too," she started and looked up to his eyes. "I couldn't help but be envious of the support he had from his wife and kids. I … once you guys left, I felt alone and … I feared that I would never have that," she said with anguish in her voice.

Jack didn't know what else to do other than hold her again. 

"We'll figure this out Sam. I promise," he said sincerely. He loosed his hold on her and looked her in the eyes and continued. 

"No matter what happens, I'll always be there for you. You have me. Don't ever forget that," 

Sam was in awe by the depth of the feelings that were shown in his eyes. She nodded and gave him a watery smile. She gathered all her strength.

"This war we are in, it might take a lifetime to win it. But if somehow we figure out a way to defeat Anubis, I… I want to leave the SGC."

"What?! Carter! Why?" said Jack, panicked.

"Because I want… no, I deserve, more out of life than what can be seen on my record," she told him, hoping he understood the more she was talking about is him.

"This is not the way Carter, believe me. You belong in the SGC. You just lost dad, this is not the best time to make decisions like this. Can you please leave it to me for now?" Jack said looking into her eyes.

"But how can we…" she didn't get to finish her sentence. 

The shrilling sound of Jack's cell phone made both of them jump. 

With frustration he took out the phone and checked the caller ID. He gave Sam an apologetic look and picked up the phone.

"O'Neill.”

"Sir, Teal'c is back. He asked that I call you and Colonel Carter immediately," said Walter. 

"I'll be there and I'll call Carter," said Jack and hung up.

"Teal'c is back with news," said Jack knowing they will have to finish this conversation some other time.

"I'll be right behind you Sir, I just need to change," 

"Alright, but this isn't over okay," he said with a soft voice. 

"Okay, see you at the mountain," said Sam and took a big breath.

On her drive to the SGC, Sam kept going back to the General and what she told him. He was shocked but he was understanding. She just needs to convince him that this is what she wants. If she was honest with herself, she needs a break from the constant fighting. She needs some peace in her life and this was the best solution she could think of. Daniel is probably gone, Teal'c is getting more and more involved with the free Jaffa and the General is the General of the SGC and there is no changing that.

Jack tried to focus on what could be waiting for him in the SGC as he drove back to the mountain. His mind was filled with images of Sam from now and from the memories of feelings she shared with him as he drove.

 _"She is so brave,"_ he thought to himself. 

She was brave to leave him the device. She was brave to seek him out at his place. She was brave enough to open up to him and share with him what was bothering her just now. He had a wonderful life with Sara and Charlie until everything changed. He wants that kind of life for her but was it fair to make her wait, and was he even the right choice for her? 

"She deserves better than you O'Neill" he said out loud as he rubbed his face with his hand.

Is he selfish enough to make her settle for him or is he brave enough to let her find someone else who is better? With that thought in his mind, Jack got out of the car and headed inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first draft of the kitchen scene with Sam and Jack was very VERY different but luckily I have a great Beta that lead me in the right direction. Thank you XWingKC!!
> 
> In my heart, I believe that Jacob at least left Mark a letter or talked to him over the phone before he died. What do you guys think? 
> 
> There is always something or someone interrupting these two right? Lol

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter.  
> I am excited to hear from you all so feel free to comment 😊


End file.
